now what?

I only have a week left of meds, and I'm having trouble with the fact that I have a whole week of meds left.  The headaches are the worst.  And this week I'm dealing with weird neck pain.  Pain where I had it before my spinal surgery 2 years ago.  Which scares me just a little.  And then I woke up this morning with this weird pressure in my throat, like someone is poking right where I swallow.  Which kinda freaks me out a little.  I emailed my case nurse to let her know, and she wrote back that the doctor wants an MRI and ordered it "STAT."  I don't like anything ordered STAT.  STAT scares me.  Nothing good ever comes out of anything ordered STAT for me.  What does STAT mean anyway?  Why does it have to be in all caps?  It's like getting yelled at.  Luckily for me, I'm claustrophobic enough that just the thought of an MRI is enough to keep me from thinking about the results very long.  

My very first MRI was at the Mayo when I was 5 months pregnant and as big as a house already. I was stuffed in there so tight that when the baby moved, my stomach touched the machine.  I was so freaked out, they put me in feet first, and I got to have my hands above my head so Ken could sit with me and hold my hands.  I think his hand fell asleep because I was holding on so tight.  A week later, Charlie was born at 22 weeks.  That was 4 years ago.  His birthday is March 29.  He had to go home, and we have to stay here.  I'll take my meds, get my MRIs, and love and enjoy my kids and my husband, and thank God every single day for what I have.

God is love.