Cycle 3, Day 6

I recently went on a women's retreat with some ladies from my church.  There were a lot of women there who knew me and my story, and more that didn't know me, but had been praying for me.  And there were the few that I met for the first time, and they didn't know anything about me.  I shied away from these few for the first night, because I didn't want them to know.  I don't mind talking about my experience, but the purpose of the retreat was to be still and have alone time with God.  I didn't want to take away from that by making it about me.  (I think I give myself way too much credit there.)  So I got to sit down and have a real conversations with a couple of ladies, and we didn't talk about cancer.  We talked about our families, church, surgeries, every thing else.  It was so nice.  And at the end of the weekend, I felt guilty.  I felt guilty because I knew that very soon they were going to find out that I had held out on them.  And it made me sad.  I was sad because I knew they were going to be sad when they heard.  I was even a little nervous going to church on Sunday because I figured they would probably know by then, and I would see it in their eyes.  Obviously, it didn't happen that way.  It was me feeling sorry for myself, not them.  

Then my sister called.  One of her oldest friends has breast cancer.  Aggressive breast cancer.  And she didn't tell anyone.  And only now is she telling because she has to have chemo, and you can't really hide that from people.  And I totally understand why she chose to do it that way.  Cancer causes people pain.  It's like throwing a rock in the water.  The ripples it causes go on and on.  Learning about her made me sit and think again of the path God has chosen for she and I.  There are so many books on cancer and what it does.  I found one that tells what cancer cannot do:

Cancer is so limited.

It cannot invade the soul.

It cannot silence courage.

It cannot destroy peace.

It cannot shatter hope.

It cannot kill friendship.

It cannot shut out memories.

It cannot corrode faith.

It cannot conquer the spirit.

It cannot steal eternal life

It cannot cripple God's love.

And since cancer cannot do any of these things, Toni and I are very lucky.  Hang in there. 

God is love