I'm numb today. It's almost 9:00 p.m., and it's the first time I've cried today. I've held it back for 12 hours. I had a doctor's appointment today, and the surgeon said my throat looks good so far, and I was glad it's still clear. But now that I'm writing, it has hit me. My 14 year old nephew, who has my gene mutation for pheochromocytoma, got test results back that show positive chemicals for a tumor. In the 4+ years I've been dealing with this nightmare, tonite I find myself asking God "why?" When will it be enough? I know in my heart that the question should be "why not?", but I just can't get my head around that yet. My sister's family will go to The Mayo Clinic next month to do more comprehensive testing and get a treatment plan. The doctors in Bakersfield are less than ideal for this situation, and they don't want to take any chances. I'm so glad that Ken and I have been through enough of this that we can give them lots of advice and support. I regret that I can't do it in person. But wait, there's more...
I just get a picture from my daughter from her dorm room where the fires in Santa Barbara are very clear, very big, and a little too close. Thank God she's on a train at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow to get out of there. They haven't closed the school yet, but there have been some cancellation of classes because the teachers who live in the city are being evacuated, or can't travel through the line of fire. I have to admit, I'm a little stressed out. I just want to hug her and hug her when she gets here.
I'll be saying a lot of prayers tonite. I hope you will too.
God is love. He is love. He IS love.
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