Life is hard.  Anyone who says different needs to share their drugs with me.  Or live my life for an hour.  Not that I would trade anyone for their issues.  I'm pretty sure no one would trade me for mine.  I don't have a problem with that.  Even with all things considered, I have a pretty good life.  My husband supports me, my kids are healthy, I'm eating and drinking.  But my dad is dying.  It's hard to think of how good things are for me with that going on.  I know that every minute every one of us is closer to dying.  He's 88 (or 89?) and has lung cancer.  No treatment, just Hospice.  (Thank God for those people - no joking around - if you need a charity, look into that one.)  My mom says he's been in a pretty good mood the last 2 days.  I think he's just relieved that the end is near.  I haven't seen him in a long time, but I'm going to see him this weekend.  And I get to see my auntie from Idaho (or somewhere) that I haven't seen in a lifetime.  So, because I don't want to talk about it anymore right now, I'll just say this:  if you can see a person who is important to you right now, kiss them.  If you can talk to them, tell them.  Life is short.  Don't miss an opportunity to let someone know how much they mean to you.  nuff said.

And since this blog is about me, I'll get down to business.  I'm still on a chemo break from this summer.  My tumor levels are up and down.  I did start alpha and beta blockers, more for anxiety issues than for blood pressure control.  They tell me the blockers will keep my heart beat from rising too high, therefore making a panic attack physically unable to happen.  In theory.  Unfortunately, these types of drugs are like "downers."  I have enough downers in my life, I don't really want the pharmaceutical kind.  My navigation stopped working today when I was late to an appointment.  I just cried.  So dumb.  You know girls, when you get so mad you cry?  And how frustrating that is?  Well, I cry if I make a wrong turn, or if I forgot something at the store.  I went out today without makeup because I knew what was going to happen.  I had 3 appointments in 4 hours.  I was going to cry.  And I did.  And I had a PET scan today.  Normally, my oncology appointment is the day after my PET scan, but tomorrow is a holiday, so I have to wait until Friday to get the results.  Stay tuned.

God is love.