Emotional yo yo

I am officially an emotional disaster. I called my favorite nurse today to check in and see if there was any news on my chemotherapy plan. We talked about my blood pressure, which has been fine on the Lisinpril, so she told me to keep taking that, and not the dibenzyline, which makes me super tired, dizzy, and stuffy nose. That made me happy. And you are not going to believe what happens next. She told me my blood tests results just got back (the labs I did last Tuesday when we got the multiple tumor news). She said that in the last 6 weeks while taking the Sutent medication, my tumor chemical markers had come down by almost 50%. Although they had spread in June, July and August, I started a higher dose in September, and that's when the Sutent started working again. She told me that the doctor does not want me to start the CVD chemo by IV infusion, but that I should start taking the Sutent again as soon as possible, and at a slightly higher dose. I honestly didn't know how to react. I had spent the last 6 days telling myself over and over that IV chemo would not break me, that I would be fine wearing a wig for the rest of my life, that even though it was our last option before the unthinkable, I could do it. And then... God decided that He wasn't going to put me through that just yet. He decided He would let me continue on the road of the very promising experimental cancer treatment. God answered my prayers to give me more time. And after a few hours of taking it in, I was once again on the floor on my knees for the second time in a week, hands clasped, face up, thanking Jesus for giving me an opportunity. I'm not sure what the opportunity is for, but my eyes are wide and so is my heart. And I'm still going to get a pedicure tomorrow!

So I will start the Sutent again tomorrow at 37.5 mg per day, for 28 days on and 14 days off. I'll get more blood tests and will be hopeful for lower numbers, and another scan in a few months. And I'll be at the end of my break for Thanksgiving, so I'll eat everything I can, go into a food coma, and get up at 4:00 a.m. for crazy Christmas shopping at the mall with my beautiful sisters, my wonderful friends, and my sweet Princess Kassy. Life is good. God is love.